meatcrimes:

Who knew that all along America’s next star of prop comedy was hiding in plain sight as a Colorado lobbyist?

Did Lobbyist Put Chicken in Ex-Wife’s Vents, Text About Female Dryness?

As a state lobbyist, Ronald Dean Smith is a familiar figure in Colorado politics — which only makes the charges against him more bizarre. He’s accused of burglary and more for actions described in an arrest warrant on view below, including allegedly leaving raw chicken in the vents of his ex-wife’s home while she was out of town.

…

In a subsequent interview, Smith’s ex told police that her former husband knew she and her current boyfriend would be in Seattle during late September — and while on the trip, she received harassing text messages from Smith, including, “Hold those legs up high & long. Happy anniversary to curing your dry female condition in San Diego last yr.” And before she left, she told cops Smith had sent another text calling her a “whore.”

Other allegations: She said Smith had put a laminated notice of her death on her front door and asked her if she wanted some chicken that was about to expire.